Everything but Ordinary
by Kitty-Wolf-Chan
Summary: Things are never what they seem. Earth as we know it is riddled with secrets. An important one- magic. For Epsilon and her 'Merry' Band of Mages, magic is something they practice daily in an effort to rid the world of criminals. There's a few problems though. Firstly, they don't exactly get along and secondly, Australia's top bad guy is after them. This outta be fun...


**Everything but Ordinary**

**Disclaimer: I own-eth no Skulduggery!**

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**Prologue**

It was dark and gloomy and extremely humid - exactly the kind of weather Epsilon hated. No, didn't hate it. She detested it with the burning passion of a thousand white suns. And it was raining. Did she mention she hated rain? No? Well now you know.

"This sucks," she said, hands in pockets. She trudged through the thick mud with her shoulders hunched and short brown hair plastered to her head. "Like, really sucks. It sucks balls. Not just any balls, but Dark Vader balls. That's extra suckish- a whole new level of suckish! So suckish, not even a sucker can suck the ultimate suckishness."

"E, shut up," said her companion, Dante.

The final accomplice, Xander snorted in amusement. "Don't tell her to shut up. Then she'll stop being an idiot, and then where will I get my entertainment?"

Epsilon Colt and her group of two others were mages for the Australian Sanctuary. Of course, they weren't anywhere near the standard of the famous Skeleton detective and his assistant, Valkyrie Cain, but they were pretty well recognised among the magical world.

Growling, Epsilon hit Xander over the back of the head. Sure, the three didn't get along quite as well as they should considering they'd been partnered for about five years, but they still worked well together most of the times...sometimes...rarely.

"Why are we even out here anyway? It's wet and sticky. I could be at home watching a horror movie right about now, but no. Instead I'm with two idiots tracking down another idiot who magically grew wings and plans on destroying the world," she huffed.

Xander grinned. "In other words, you're in a horror movie."

"I will bite off your face."

"I love you too, E."

"And then I'll chop off your d-"

"Guys," Dante said, heaving a dreary sigh. "We're meant to be maintaining stealth, not waking up the entire state."

The trio of mages didn't work in several different ways, two main reasons being Epsilon and Xander. They didn't really like each other. At all. It was always a competition with them and no matter how hard Dante tried, he could never shut them up.

Lightning came from the heavens, lighting up the sky and sending a loud crack of thunder echoing through the area, making the place even more miserable and morbid. The sky had been as clear as anything an hour earlier and then this freak storm had suddenly rolled over the horizon and drenched the city in pelting rain. The trio hadn't been prepared for an event such as this and we're currently shivering in their thin, summer clothes.

"Who is this guy we're look for anyway?" Xander asked, seemingly unfazed by the terrible weather.

Dante frowned. "I gave you and E his file earlier."

"You did?"

"I did."

"He did!"

Xander gave a light-hearted chuckle as Dante glared at him. "I must have temporarily misplaced the object in which this conversation is centered around."

"In other words, you lost it."

"Yes."

Dante threw his head back and stared at the grey clouds above. What had he done in his past life to deserve this? What God had he angered? Surely, this punishment was among some of the worst. Fighting vampires? Sure, no biggie. Dealing with his two teammates? Give him a few hours, a tranquilizer, some rope and some duct tape and maybe he'll remain sane for a few more years. Maybe.

"Well," he said. "His name's Ace Darcy. Looks about twenty-five, really seventy-three years old. He's got thick black hair, hazel eyes and two arms missing. He's an adept with the power to block all magical attacks, so you two won't be able to do any of your fancy tricks on him. And then there's the fact that he's now apparently got two white wings. He's also an idiot."

Epsilon pointed to a figure standing on the roof above them. "So, that wouldn't happen to be him then, would it?"

Heads snapped upwards to see a man. He certainly had no arms, he certainly had black hair and he certainly had two small white wings protruding from his back. This was, of course, the criminal Darcy. He sent them an unpleasant, twisted smile, flashing his pearly whites devilishly. He wore a dashing black suit with an ivory tie and a red rose held in his mouth. If he wasn't an enemy, Epsilon would probably consider him hot.

The three got into fighting stances, preparing for the oncoming and inevitable battle. A bright flame lit in Xander's palm, licking at his fingertips whilst shadows curled around Epsilon's wrists. Dante simply stood, fists clenched and ready to fight. Darcy laughed.

"Well," he said. "If it isn't Dante Harley and his lackey, Xander."

"Oh, but it is," Xander retorted, making the most intimidating face he possibly could.

Epsilon hit him over the back of the head for the umpteenth time that night. "Oh yeah, and what about me?"

"I dare not say cruel words to a woman of such fine beauty as yours."

"You're a creep."

"Don't hide your feelings of attraction, my dear," he crooned.

Epsilon glanced at Dante. "Can I hit him?"

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Xander agreed, nodding.

Dante paused, glaring up at Darcy. His calculative eyes analysed the criminal carefully, assessing any distinguishable strengths such as muscles to spare or a gun or something. He could, however, find nothing.

Darcy jumped down, his wings flapping less-than-gracefully as he plummeted down to the Earth, screeching loudly.

He landed with a crunching sound on the pavement.

The three walked over to him, watching with curiosity. Epsilon cursed under her breath as she got a full view of him. Everything was as it had seemed when he were on the roof, but now she could see that he did not, in fact, have wings, but a swan tied to his back.

"Alas," he croaked, raising his head. "My Princess has come to save me."

Epsilon kicked him in the ribs, sending him groaning and sprawling across the ground. She glared with annoyance. "You're a creep," she said. "And I'm gonna kill whoever said you were a threat to society."

He responded with a small smile and she kicked him again. She really didn't have the patience for people like this. She didn't have any patience as it was, so this guy was just pushing his luck.

Dante flipped open his cell and pressed speed dial, instantly getting greeted by the Sanctuary secretary, a pleasant girl by the name of Willow. They talked for a few minutes before the fair-haired adept snapped his phone shut. Giving a small nod, they began to walk away, leaving Darcy tied up and ready for jail.

"Well," said Xander. "That was fun."

Epsilon glared vehemently at her teammate, intent on burning holes into his head with her scalding gaze.

They stepped into Dante's car, a black Rolls Royce Ghost and drove off into the cool night, steady radio music sounding quietly throughout the car. Epsilon stared out the window as street lights illuminated her features and shop after shop drifted past them.

The Ghost Busters Theme broke through the silence and Dante put his mobile on loud speaker.

"Yes?" he said. "What is it?"

The voice that responded was one that the trio so dearly hated, the one that belonged to Raziel Witpeace, a rival and nemesis in his own right.

"Dante, Dante, Dante," he tsked, words laced with a mocking tone. "I knew you guys were failures, but I didn't expect someone such as Ace Darcy to slip through your fingers."

Xander's jaw clenched and Epsilon's hands became tight fists. Dante was the only one who appeared unfazed by Raziel's teasing.

"I believe you are mistaken, Witpeace. We caught Darcy in a matter of seconds," Dante replied evenly.

"Oh, then why is he not here?"

Silence wrought through the car.

"It appears to me you lost him? Such a pity that is. The Sanctuary hopes for better results next time. TTFN." And with that, he hung up.

One question plagued everyone's mind. How in th seven layers of Hell had an idiot like Ace Darcy escaped?

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**I'm sorry it was short! That's only because it was the prologue. The normal chapters will be at least 2000 words long.**

**Did you like it? I liked it. I liked it a lot. Review my lovelies or be faced with a guy who had a swan tied to his back!**

**~Kitty **


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